DEAR FUTURE WIFE

“Dear Future Wife,

 

I have no idea who you are, but I’m at a point in my life where I really wish you were here. I’ve always promised myself that no matter what happened, I would never stop believing I’d find you. Some days that feels like a promise I made to a different person, because the person I was when I made it is someone I can barely remember.

I wish finding you was as easy for me as it seems to be for everyone else. I wish it were as simple as me growing up, meeting a guy, and eventually starting a family. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that it was never going to come that easily for me, and that’s mostly because I’m gay. I’m comfortable with that now, but I’ve lost a lot because of it.

The thought of finding you someday helped me get up in the morning when my lifelong dream in swimming fell apart because I, among others, couldn’t accept that I was gay. You kept me moving forward when I was too ashamed to stand up for myself, and when I let people look down on me because on the surface, I failed, and they couldn’t piece together why I didn’t live up to their expectations. When I had to pick myself up and start what felt like a whole new life from scratch, I did that because I knew you’d be in that life someday.

I get up every day and tell the world that I’m whole and complete by myself because I made it to where I am when nobody was there to help me. In many ways, I am, because I pulled myself out of a hole that seemed impossible to get out of. I did that for myself, but part of me knows I also did it so that someday I could be with you. Every day, week, or month that goes by I wonder when you’ll show up to tell me that climbing out of that hole was worth it.

After all I’ve been through, it’s hard to still feel like something in my heart is missing. No matter how much I can handle on my own, I know this is the one thing in the world that I can’t save myself from. I need you to save me from that. And it’s a terrifying thing for me to feel like I need anybody.

I wrote you this letter because someday I want you to know that no matter how hard things get, and how long I spend feeling like this, I would do it all again if it meant finding you. I would stand up in front of all the people I loved who broke me by telling me there was nothing good about me. I would relive all the nights I spent scared and alone after the people I needed the most told me that I didn’t have any worth. I would watch a 20-year-old dream shatter in front of my eyes and flash back to everything that almost destroyed me, because at the end of it all, it helped me find you.

I have no idea how, where, or when you and I will meet, but I know every time I start to lose hope I’ll remember that I’m not only keeping a promise to myself, but also to you. I’ll do everything I have to do to become who I need to be before I can meet you. I will never stop caring about people, even when it doesn’t make sense and even when they hurt me. Because one of these days, you’ll need me too, and I’ll be exactly who you need me to be when that happens.”

by Lauren Neidigh as appeared on the Huffpost

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WHY BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES IS GREAT

I am twenty-something and i love being here. actually, I would like to stick around this age for longer and enjoy the perks of being me but since life and time is a bitch, i might as well enjoy being in my twenties while they still last. But why should I and do I love this age?
1. I discovered I can actually borrow money from my parents without anyone raising eyebrows. As a matter of fact, they encourage it. Get into any money sucking activity and they will tell you to get some money from your parents and even if you have your own money, your parents will still give you a little extra something.
2.You are surrounded by creatives. this works in your advantage especially if you are a business, man… nearly all your friends are freelance something. a freelance writer, photographer, graphic designer and yeah, all these services are of course available to you way cheaper than they will be in the near future as you get older.
3. Yeah, you have a Students’ ID… You get tickets at cheaper prices. you don’t have to be in school for this long as you resemble the guy in the picture. In your thirties, tattooed by misery and beards, they do not work. so you have nicer hangouts at half the price.
4. Cheaper shopping. You can actually afford a lifestyle. i mean, what on earth will you need when living alone in your twenties?! there is virtually no budget and can survive on whatever scraps and bucks you have at your disposal. life gets wa cheaper as long as you are twenty-something.
5. You can sleep past 9am. Especially on a Saturday, where do you wake up to?
6. People are actually jealous of your life. Those younger than you, in high school, want to be as old as you and those older, stuck in their midlife crisis, wish they were as young as you. who would have thought?
7. I am looking for myself is actually an excuse. yeah, when you want to get away with some rowdy behavior, “I am still trying to find myself” is an excuse that works. try it out.
8. You have a perfect body. Yeah.
9. You can move in with your parents. Trust me, living by yourself is tough.
10. When your life hits a snag, you can go back to school. Without getting judged by anybody. As a matter of fact, they will think it is cool and encourage you to do it.
11. You can sleep at four and be up at seven. Yeah, comes with the body.
12. You don’t have to answer to anyone, about anything. This is probably the only time in your entire life that this will be true. It is a luxury to answer to yourself and no one else—no parents, no spouse, no children.
13. You can date. Date a little, or date a lot, whatever you desire. You can try different kinds of people and find romance with anyone you fancy. Everyone else is either married or too young.
14. You learn to be independent in every sense of the word. You only have yourself to rely on and it pushes you to grow and figure out things on your own

.
15. You actually get to spend time by yourself. Alone time is very important. and the only time you get loads of it is when you are in your twenties.
16. You can start the process of knowing your family and people around you. We spend most of our time away, call your mum and hang out!
17. Weird clothes. Yeah, this is the phase where you are looking for yourself.
18. You can spend days without shaving your beards or without makeup. Yeah, actually it becomes a thing when you are twenty something. It becomes cool when your beards are wild.
19.You build skills that will make you a better person and a better partner for when you find the right person. You learn to cook, budget, and be independent and comfortable on your own.
20.You have time to be creative and explore your passions. You can try out art and dance along with nearly everything else.

COLD.BE.COME

“Come sleep with me,
We won’t make love,
Love will make us.”
-Julio Cortazar

I,
You,
Become-Us.

I have been in love. With you,
Tasted your lips. In dreams,
Had moments. Where,
Heaven is when I am with you,
And has made me wanna reach out, touch.
Love. You. Us.

Fear,
Fear clouds each move I make,
For baby,
I don’t wanna break your heart,
I don’t wanna wreck you apart,
And if you dare,
Step closer to places that. Reek of I,
You will break. Into. Smithereens. Hurt,
And understand,
Why storms are named after people.
Do. Not. Become. Us.

Tug away. Snatch away.
Watch out. When, I kiss you,
For you are a flower. I am a bee,
I will land on the next pretty thing that comes along. I
I. love. You.
I. Wreck. You.
Choose.

The perfect fit. Of I
You. Become,
Should not drive away your attention,
From the deceiver I am. Comparable,
Only to Morning Star. Felony.

Let me be,
Alone. Again. In. The. Cold.